I go to church, when it is required of me, for the following festivities:  to quirk my eyebrow at the pastor whenever she speaks about surrendering our lives and our free wills to do nothing but worship God (which, in my professional opinion, does not leave much possibility for a productive lifestyle), to sing hymns in the Sean Connery accent, and to read the church bulletin for any bad spelling/grammatical/syntactical errors.

I saw the greatest one in a while this morning--"A pot blessing dinner will be held at 12:30 to honor our seniors.  Please let us know if you have any students:  high school, college, tech school that we can honor.  Contact Pastor Donna."  So we're blessing pot, and...they're trying to get that from high school, college, and tech school students?  Do senior citizens need to buy pot from our local youths and teenagers?  Apparently, but only if it's been blessed first.  Yikes.  Actually, it's a graduation pot luck luncheon.  I have to attend this thing.  But bless that pot!  God bless you, pot.  God bless you.  Really, the bad syntax reminds me of a BMW rental sign that I saw all over the place in the Chicago airport:  "Text BMWCHI to 67463 to drive an X6 to your smartphone or iPhone."  If I had a smartphone or an iPhone, I thoroughly doubt that I would need to drive a BMW X6 to said phone which is clearly already in my possession.  But enough of grammar for now.  I'll put Prof. Henry away for a bit, back in the office/library where he belongs (though if you want another Prof. Henry story, ask about explaining to the man at the post office the differences between "should" and "will").

Bad syntax and everything else aside, the morning was triumphant enough--I sang hymns as Sean Connery, won an epic poking battle with my sister, and then received the "sizable graduation gift."  Two hundred and fifty dollars.  Needless to say, I was astounded.  That's a lot of money.  I'm sure I'll find a good use for it.

Until later, I'll take suggestions for the "Other Epic Hits" on my as-of-yet-unplanned Sean Connery Sings album.  I think it would be a quality production.